By Your Side
by erinsgirl
Summary: Spencer knows that things in Rosewood are about to get worse. Especially for her. The last thing she wants to do is drag her boyfriend down with her. Season 5 speculative fic.


**Just a little fic that jumped in my head and wouldn't get out again. Spencer's had a pretty tough time in season 4 and it's probably not over for her. Especially since everyone she's related to are involved in something shady. Poor girl has to be stressed. Who better than Toby to give her some hope.**

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Toby glanced over at the girl on the other side of the truck. She'd been quiet since he picked her up. Silence between them wasn't uncommon but this was different to the peaceful companionable type he was used to sharing with her. Toby knew his girlfriend like the back of his hand. He knew when something had her stressed - which was pretty much all the time, unfortunately. Usually that meant venting her frustration verbally going into minute and creative detail before her incredible mind came up with a solution to whatever obstacle was in front of her.

This was something else. Spencer wasn't practically shaking with irritation or insanely focused on a plan. Instead she was still, almost slouching in her seat instead of her usual straight, dignified posture. Her unfocused gaze not even registering their surroundings.

Spencer hated anyone thinking of her as weak. Including herself. She didn't sit around being helpless. She acted. It didn't matter how big of a mess or how much of a challenge it was she met it without a second thought. If she was annoyed it just made her more determined. She was a fighter through and through.

When she became like this, disconnected from those around her, withdrew from the world and retreated into herself, it was as if she was admitting difficulty. As if she admitted she was powerless to change whatever distressed her. As if she was conceding defeat.

In the entire time he'd known her, Toby had almost never seen his brilliant, fierce, passionate girlfriend like this. It unnerved him more than knowing she'd confronted one of the pyschos that seemed intent on hurting her.

And he was determined to find out the cause.

It was only when he turned off the main road that the brunette became alert and took note of where they were.

"I thought we were going to get something to eat?" The fact that she hadn't asked this question before now proved something was wrong.

"I got some sandwiches and muffins from the Brew on my way out to meet you. I even got an extra-large coffee." He lightly shook the sealed travel mug in front of her until she eagerly grabbed it from him. "I thought we could have a picnic at our usual spot by the Lookout."

"That's a great idea. We haven't been up there in ages." The way Spencer's face lit up at the suggestion was all the confirmation Toby needed to know he'd made the right call. The kiss she planted on his cheek further cemented this. "You're a pretty awesome boyfriend."

Neither of them mentioned the reasons both of them were happy to avoid the good citizens of Rosewood tonight.

As she always had Alison DiLaurentis caused attention and gossip wherever she went. Showing up alive after being believed dead for two years, along with her mother's disappearance, had created a firestorm of speculation around the town.

Spencer had filled him in on a lot of the things that had being going on, and Toby really hadn't liked most of what she'd told him. But while he knew enough of the story, and had enough common sense to read between the lines of the rest, all most of Rosewood knew was that the girls had known of Alison's survival and they'd somehow ended up in New York where they were attacked and their teacher shot.

Since they didn't know anything else, they of course came to their own judgments based on the various rumors floating around. Including the ones wondering that while all the girls were being repeatedly interviewed about recent events and the night that had set it all in motion, the Hastings family seemed to be getting a lot more police visits than anyone else.

Toby knew better than anyone just how vicious and forceful the condemnation of the collective population of Rosewood could be. And he knew Spencer was perfectly aware of what was being said about her, and worse still what was being said about her loved ones

His resolve to get them both away even if only for the evening had only strengthened when he'd been waiting for his order at the Brew.

It had taken every ounce of self-restraint he possessed not to hit the idiots for what they said. It would only make things worse, and stress Spencer out even more if she heard about it. Instead he'd settled for sending them a dark look. He'd never thought he'd be grateful that some of his old reputation still lingered but seeing those morons hastily head for the door while suddenly falling very, very quiet gave him mild satisfaction. He couldn't stop the gossip but he might at least be able to prevent some of it from happening around Spencer and the girls.

The sun was halfway past the horizon when he noticed that the brunette beauty in front of him was falling back into whatever melancholy had captured her on the drive to their spot. She'd been back to her usual self as they'd eaten, sharing stories and jokes and kisses. But in the last five minutes Toby sensed he was starting to lose her again.

He'd been happy to keep things light while Spencer was happy, but now he was determined to help her whether she wanted him to or not.

"So then Emily rode in with the elephants. I thought that was pretty impressive but that's when Hanna did her lion-taming act and Aria walked the tightrope. It was quite a show. Caleb's clown act needs some work though."

"That's great," Spencer responded absent-mindedly. She suddenly twisted around to face him in bemusement. "Wait, how exactly did your day at work turn into our friends running off to join the circus?"

"It didn't but it did get your attention. Want to tell me what's going on in that brilliant head of yours?"

She frowned and turned away. "Nothing. I just have some stuff on my mind that's all. Things have been kind of hectic lately."

"I noticed. But there's something specific that's bothering you."

"It's not important" Spencer was dismissive as she stood and stepped closer to the overhang's edge.

"It is to you!" He had gotten to his feet now as well. Usually the only way to deal with Spencer when she got this stubborn was to dig in his own heels just as much and beat her at her own game.

"Don't worry about it."

"You're my girlfriend, of course I'm going to worrying about it."

"Well I'm sorry if being with me is such a hardship. By all means feel free to end that burden!"

Toby blinked in shock. Spencer could him frustrate sometimes with her secrets and often one-track focus, She could make him furious to the point he'd need to skip town to cool off. And she could hurt him just as swiftly and suddenly as he could hurt her.

But she was still the light of his life.

No matter how much they fought, no matter how bad things seemed to be, breaking up with her never, ever crossed his mind. He never thought it would enter hers either. "What?!"

Spencer seemed just as taken aback by her outburst. But as quickly as the shock appeared on her face it was gone again.

Instead it was replaced by a look that he recognized. Her arms wrapped tightly around herself, she pulled herself up to her full height, her features firm and her eyes guarded and defensive. She was gearing up for a fight.

"You heard me. If you want out Toby, then go ahead."

"What makes you think that I want to break up with you?" He had no clue how things had gone in this direction.

"I clearly come with a _**freight ship size of baggage**_. If I'm too much too deal with then walk away. I can handle it." He honestly couldn't believe she'd think that.

"Spencer!"

"Forget it. Forget everything." She threw her arms down in a fit of anger and stormed past him.

"Hey wait a minute." Toby was angry now too. She didn't get to do this. Not again. She didn't get to make decisions that affected both of them without so much as giving him an explanation. A proper explanation.

Not this time.

He reached out and caught her wrists, spinning her around to face him. "I get a say in this too, Spencer. You don't get to make that call and then throw it back on me. Where is this coming from? What makes you think that I would walk away? Especially after everything that's happened, that's still happening?"

"That's precisely why you should!" She yelled, vexation evident in her voice. "I am _**not**_ an obligation Toby."

Now he was completely lost. "I never thought of you as one."

"Right," she scoffed along with her signature eye roll and infamous sarcasm. "Because having a girlfriend who drives you regularly out of town, has more messed-up family skeletons than the Kennedy's, has an army of psycho stalkers and co-dependency issues with her best friends who may or may not come back from the dead, and is currently facing a murder charge as a result of her former pill-popping is every guy's dream."

And suddenly things made a lot more sense.

He pulled her closer. She half-heartedly struggled against him, before allowing him to pull her into a hug. "Listen to me." He waited until she was looking at him. He was determined to have her full attention. She needed to know he meant every word of what he was about to say. "I love you. I'm not with you because I think I have to be. I'm with you because I **_want_** to be. Why wouldn't I?

"You helped me find the truth about my mom. When everyone in town crossed the street to avoid me and made it clear that as far as they were concerned I was lower than dirt, you didn't. You didn't listen when everyone told you that you were better off staying as far away from me as you could physically get. You stood up for me when no one else would. You believe in me more than anyone else ever has. You showed them how wrong they were.

"I'm not done," he stated firmly when she tried to interrupt. "You infuriate me so much sometimes. I hate that you keep secrets from me. That you feel that you need to lie. I hate that you focus so much on –A sometimes that you let it cloud your judgment. And I **_really_** hate that you're in danger so much. But **_I know you_** Spence, every part of you, every bit that matters and I love you. All of you.

"I'm not with you because I think it's the right thing to do. I'm with you because **_it is right_**. Because I love seeing you use that amazing mind of yours, whether it's showing off the insane amount of trivia that only you know or you're using it to help the people you care about. I love kicking your ass at Scrabble and you're adorable when you pout because you didn't get your way. I love hearing you laugh, especially when I know I'm the reason for it. I. Love. You."

It was more than he usually ever said, but Spencer had to know how much she meant to him. After going through hell for the last two and half years, the last few weeks had been particularly grueling on her. Alison's reappearance. The questioning of her innocence. Her recent relapse. She hadn't had time to recover from the first blow before the next one hit.

It had been a huge knock to her usual confidence and self-esteem and had left her more fragile than normal.

Spencer had broken eye contact during his little declaration and had taken to playing with the buttons on his shirt. She continued playing with them as she found her voice. "You're wrong. I didn't do anything. You stood up for yourself Toby. You proved everyone wrong. You got them to realize their mistake, at least anyone who isn't a brain-dead lemming. You changed their minds. Just like you changed my mind."

He could hear the pride and affection in her tone, but what stood out to him was the catch in her voice. She was fighting off tears.

"You worked so hard to make a life for yourself, Toby, that's why you should stay away from me." She pushed herself away from him and took a few steps back. She still radiated a defensive air but it was mixed with vulnerability this time.

"I'm in a lot of trouble Tobes. Probably more than last time. There's a very big file showing all sorts of really bad things I did that I don't remember doing because I blacked out during them thanks to the Adderall. My dad had a PI follow me. My mom has all but confirmed they've covered up something for me. And Melissa definitely knows **_something_** about whatever's happening. As far as the cops are concerned I'm guilty. Up until recently my parents agreed with them and I can't even be that angry about it because _**I** _thought I was guilty.

I have no idea where I stand for school or college or basically my relationships with pretty much everyone I know. And -A shot Ezra! They're determined to get to Ali, to all of us. Things are just getting bigger and crazier and messier. You don't need that Toby. You can still get out of Rosewood like you've always wanted. Have the life you've always wanted. You don't need me dragging you down."

Her speech caught him so off guard that all he could do was wrap his arms protectively around her. She buried her face in his shirt. He knew she was crying when he felt her tears soak through the material. "I can handle you wanting more than that Toby. That I can handle. But I can't handle you resenting me someday for ruining your life. Or the idea of you getting hurt or, or worse." He could sense the struggle it took to get the words out. "I can't do that. Not again. I'm not that strong."

God she could break his heart without even trying. How did he get her to see things his way? "There is nothing you could ever do that would make me hate you. Nothing." It wasn't possible. That much he was sure of. "I'm not going to resent you for making me stay in Rosewood. **_I_** made the choice. I might need to get away to clear my head sometimes but I will _**always**_ come back for you. I don't care what anyone says or how bad things get. I am not leaving you." How could she not know that everything he did for her, he did willingly even if he wasn't always happy about some of it?

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me Spence. I know how lucky I am to have you. I'm not about to give up what we have just because things might get tough. Not when you're worth so much more. You say you're not strong but you're wrong. you're the strongest person I've ever met. Surviving what you've been through proves it. And we're stronger than we seem..."

Toby found himself suddenly rendered speechless when Spencer reached up, catching his face in her hands, her lips finding his in a searing kiss. Only Spencer could shatter his world in an instant and take him straight to heaven in the next breathe. She was Heaven. "Thank you."

"For what?" It was actually an impressive feat that he could find words.

"For being you." The way the girl in his arms was looking him, Toby felt like he could do anything. "You're not the only one who knows how lucky they are Tobes. I know I don't say it enough or act like it sometimes but you mean the world to me. I'd never have made it this far without you."

Toby just held her tighter as she wrapped her own arms around her neck. Given everything that had happened in the last few years, it just showed how amazing she was. Unfortunately Toby suspected it was going to get worse before it got better. But he meant every word he said. He wasn't going anywhere.

He pressed his lips against her hair breathing her in. He cherished moments like this, when she was in his arms. It proved to him that she was still here, still safe, still his. That he wasn't dreaming the whole thing up in his head.

"And for the record Toby, the most you've ever beaten me in Scrabble is by six points. Which is not much of an ass-kicking. And I do **_not_** pout!"

He laughed and gently guided her over to the large rock they usually sat on when they came up here. Staring down at the town that seemed to exist just to torture them. Hoping to gain perspective. Regaining their breath with the slight distance. Rebuilding their resolve to survive it just a little longer.

He glanced down at the girl tucked under his arm. She seemed to have regained some of her spirit even if she was still quieter than usual. She chose that moment to glance up and seemed to read the unspoken question still lingering on his mind.

"I overheard my parents talking last night. About the investigation. They were worried." Even though she tried to hide it he could make out the worry in her own eyes. "My parents get mad or annoyed, and then they crush you like a bug. They don't get scared." She glanced at the view before making her confession with a shaky breathe. "It makes me scared." God he hated he could hear fear in her voice.

She seemed to sense his mood and tried to lighten things. "Think it's too late to still run away?"

If he thought it would actually fix anything he'd have her past the town limits in an instant. Sadly they both knew better than that.

"You'd just end up coming back. It's not in you to give up." He ran a hand through her hair. He loved playing with the silky chocolate tresses, laced with the scent that was uniquely Spencer. He tugged gently as he studied her. Those mocha eyes could drown him if he wasn't careful. Not that he minded. "I promise I will do everything possible to protect you. Someday we'll be away from Rosewood, -A, everything and we'll have an actual life. A good one. On our terms."

"I believe you." The quiet confidence in her voice was clear. Not for the first time Toby wondered how he had gained Spencer Hastings full trust and faith when others usually failed. "But you have to promise to look after yourself too, Tobes. I want to have you in that life too. It's what makes it good."

He grinned at her drinking her in before capturing her mouth with his. "Deal." No matter what had happened in the past or what would happen in the future that was one promise he intended to keep. No matter what he would give Spencer a happy ending, someday. Whatever it took.

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